tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4690119989265676870.post1289565870396478622..comments2023-03-25T15:32:51.744+02:00Comments on Mine for the Taking: Chapter Four: Bleeds (Part II)FreeFoxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00096319447345952569noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4690119989265676870.post-1459848610591107972010-12-08T18:49:55.501+02:002010-12-08T18:49:55.501+02:00Great description again, the clothes and the dialo...Great description again, the clothes and the dialogue.<br /><br />Two things that bring up questions for me:<br />"The chase ended on a car park between an inner city motorway and another small green space."<br /><br />Do you want to give your reader the heads-up that this is where the chase ends? It obviously isn't the end of the whole suspenseful event, but I just wanted to ask if you want your reader to be prepared like this.<br /><br />Also, <br />"“Try to run again, and I’ll cut your throat.” His Yorkshire accent made that roon and cout."<br /><br />Why not just put this into the dialogue? "Try to roon, an I'll cout yer throot." or something.<br />You are already using a mixed formal/informal/slang style, so why not just have him say the words he says in his own way?Andrewhttp://godwillbegod.com/blognoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4690119989265676870.post-4432050395150183142010-10-22T08:18:04.116+02:002010-10-22T08:18:04.116+02:00@Changeling - The Leeds I encountered was everythi...@Changeling - The Leeds I encountered was everything but glamourous. Tacky and depressing more like it. Never been to Bradford, though. Maybe it's the comparison... :P Didn't get the famous five ginger beer comment. Aren't they these, like, 70s kid detectives?<br /><br />@Nerstes - Ta, again. And you haven't seen shit yet. This is only half of Part I. And the story has 4 Parts to be told completely, all the way to the bloody ruin by the shore of the Mediterranean... Hope I'll ever get there, though I'm determined "to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield". ;)FreeFoxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00096319447345952569noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4690119989265676870.post-87507369747633707382010-10-20T16:58:46.500+02:002010-10-20T16:58:46.500+02:00Prolific!Love the details.Are u working on it as p...Prolific!Love the details.Are u working on it as part of a novel or...?<br /><br />take care<br />L.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4690119989265676870.post-22875455964597330012010-10-19T20:43:12.916+02:002010-10-19T20:43:12.916+02:00i lived in bradford. leeds was always more glamour...i lived in bradford. leeds was always more glamourous. <br />purple track suits n shit<br />like yr kind of racier famous five style - like there's gonna be lashings of ginger beer and evisceration<br /><br />mxChangelinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16971293660092708835noreply@blogger.com