tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4690119989265676870.post8621090381849933148..comments2023-03-25T15:32:51.744+02:00Comments on Mine for the Taking: Chapter Seven: Storm (Part VII)FreeFoxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00096319447345952569noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4690119989265676870.post-57155502736078341782011-07-08T04:51:01.126+02:002011-07-08T04:51:01.126+02:00An intense episode, man. Still processing it all. ...An intense episode, man. Still processing it all. You have a way of making Rikki/Danny both endearing and tragic.<br /><br />The part in church about Job seems appropriate, but I think the better parallel to your character might be someone like Jacob. Since Job was the theme of the service though, it's probably better to stick with what you have. It still works really well.<br /><br />About the sodomy laws conversation - I didn't mind it, really. It fits with the other moments up to this point when you do throw in a numerical blip. I don't know if the wording, the tone, is exactly right yet. It's going to be tricky -- you want to roll it in smoothly and not get too deadpan or too sarcastic or too lighthearted about it. Have you tried it a couple times, tried a few different voices with it?Andrewhttp://godwillbegod.com/blognoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4690119989265676870.post-37093954695312543672011-06-29T19:40:38.985+02:002011-06-29T19:40:38.985+02:00The whole chapter (and the previous one) has been ...The whole chapter (and the previous one) has been rewritten, quite extensively in places. I'd be glad about comments. ^_^<br /><br />If not, I'll continue soon with "Whispers in the Dark."FreeFoxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00096319447345952569noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4690119989265676870.post-14207182135559045762011-05-10T22:27:56.685+02:002011-05-10T22:27:56.685+02:00@Mischa: YES! Thank you! You're bloody right. ...@Mischa: YES! Thank you! You're bloody right. Part of the problem is that this is a bloody first draft, and in the attempt to get what I thought was important onto the screen I made some bad choices how to present it. (For example there is a whole episode with one of Sim's brothers, Aidan, that I left out, that I will probably need, and that again changes how a reader will see some choices... life is so bloody complicated, I'm only beginning to appreciate that since I'm trying to write about it.) But you are totally right about feeling special in my persecution, and suffering, and how a part of me wanted to fuck this up. You will, that gets a lot worse in the next part. I already shiver from shame thinking about how to write that.<br />I just hate that I am usually just good enough to get away myself, or probably not even good, just cowardly enough, and how I usually leave other peeps with the hot potato. I'm bloody poison ivy, and there is no need to make up a God to blame for that. Or to feel special about. Though at the time, well, I really did. I needed one thing to cling to, the one coin without which my purse would have been completely empty.<br />In a way *you* have stolen *my* thunder, this way, though, because I did have something of the sort (vaguely, un-thought-through) in mind for the end of the novel. Because some of that I did figure out by the time I was in Bulgaria and Greece, one year later. And that is part of what prompted me to want to write this bloody thing.<br />Still, thanks a lot for putting your finger on it. Helps in getting my own thoughts on this straightened out, and to figure out how to present what I did back then... to, um, plot my learning curve.<br />That is something I haven't yet figured out: I am narrating this partly from my POV now, after all that is over and done with, and partly from my POV back then, when I was still green and stupid. I have to come to grips with that discrepancy. *sigh*<br /><br />As for the buggery laws, yeah, I suppose you're right as well, though... I kinda have this thing for change, and numbers, and distances, and how things can be put into exact numbers, and in some ways cannot, and so. I really liked the history of homophobia being in the room, as it were. But this is probably not the way to do it.<br /><br />God's hand is always there, if you allow for God at all, that's His definition: That which moves the world meaningfully. And besides, I will never steal your thunder, no matter what I write. We could write the exact same story, plot-wise, and reading them would still be this completely different experience. The stuff you do... the stuff you do well... I don't have that in me. I wish I could write like you, but it will never happen. It's just not who I am. (See, THAT is something where I hate you from that greed and envy we talked about, totally!)FreeFoxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00096319447345952569noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4690119989265676870.post-33052604043761459762011-05-10T20:13:04.412+02:002011-05-10T20:13:04.412+02:00i think it said: despite the stuff you say above l...i think it said: despite the stuff you say above like you should've learned - i jus don't believe you that you drop yr guard so thorough and easy? like going to the fucking church - i kind of hid my eyes for a second, read the rest peering over the top of my arm. it's like, ok you present this god of yrs as - i dunno - totally disinterested, kind of malign? but then you give it away by mentioning yrself and job in the same breath. i know job's trials were the result of some lighthearted tea-party wager between satan and god, but - uh - i bet he felt kinda special :) it's like you feel neglected if you're not tempting fate or something. I don't know, i'm probably reading it wrong and it's just that doing that stuff is pretty regular, normal, yr resentful that you HAVE to be on guard, or something. i had more force of conviction the first time i wrote this.<br /><br />stylistically - you could just say you were fucking him, rather than give us some faux coy detailing of historical sodomy laws. it's irritating. i'm usually all for making up words, but 'unobstructedly'is clunky and lacks elegance. unobstructed is sort of ok, 'without obstruction' maybe? i don't like being distracted from the text at this point.<br /><br />i think i'm so bitter cos i was just writing, or trying to, some similiar scenario - kind of - without the high drama and hand of god though? maybe we've all got that story though - it's still like yr stealing my thunder.Changelinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16971293660092708835noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4690119989265676870.post-17562045017865575172011-05-10T06:42:45.455+02:002011-05-10T06:42:45.455+02:00Hey man, I'd love to share my thoughts on thes...Hey man, I'd love to share my thoughts on these topics. I sent you an email by the way. :)Hyperionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14209603671880432195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4690119989265676870.post-62171108060145309262011-05-09T15:08:48.970+02:002011-05-09T15:08:48.970+02:00This comment has been removed by the author.Changelinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16971293660092708835noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4690119989265676870.post-71208261372891925862011-05-09T13:35:27.761+02:002011-05-09T13:35:27.761+02:00Yo, mate, no sympathy need, least not of the pitty...Yo, mate, no sympathy need, least not of the pittying kind. Hope I'm not sounding as if I'm asking for that, or I'll have to cut this short. I don't want to apologize for Sim's dad in any way, he's a bloody bastard and he deserves to burn in hell, but it was I who fucked that up. That blood, all of that, that was on my head. Screwing around in the middle of the day, door unlocked, and music at full blast. I was insane. Like when I let Huey and Louie catch me in that sorry state, or when I fucked up with Tim. The world is a harsh place, I should have learned that by then a thousand times over. Like the bible says: Stand still and consider the wondrous works of God. There's no point in taking Him to trial. Even on earth justice goes to the powerful ones. Fate's the same. And Sim didn't know any better, he was a bloody kid, even with his past. No, I should have had things under control. I should have prepared for a storm, like a good little piggy. I should have known how fast the weather can change.<br /><br />Btw, I do have a weird twisted recounting of that same week in the works, from a different perspective. No guarantees it'll show up on SC&V, though, it might not come together. It's meant to be more than <i>just</i> porn, you know? Though if I get you to wank to it, I'll be proud and honoured. ^_^<br /><br />I still want to know your POV on violence, queer sex, sadomasochism, travelling, football, God, crime, and all that. Don't worry, this is the internet, you're as anonymous as we all ever get to be these days. Btw, hope the weather improves. Bloody thunderstorms. We got temps as high as yours, but not at that sort of humidity. Sheesh, don't you just melt in little puddles? ^_~FreeFoxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00096319447345952569noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4690119989265676870.post-49980906304089908682011-05-09T12:36:45.574+02:002011-05-09T12:36:45.574+02:00Although I sympathize for the pain the situation h...Although I sympathize for the pain the situation has brought to you, I must admit that your life is a very engaging read.Hyperionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14209603671880432195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4690119989265676870.post-74770259684608015242011-05-09T12:14:19.448+02:002011-05-09T12:14:19.448+02:00@Jes: Which topic? Choice of tats? How to pray? T_...@Jes: Which topic? Choice of tats? How to pray? T_T I suppose I know which you mean. Och aye, eh? The high cost of living...<br />Maybe this explains some of my, er, shall we call it fervour, back on John's board. Why I couldn't accept those simplistic explanations. For any of it.FreeFoxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00096319447345952569noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4690119989265676870.post-63034933606112678242011-05-08T23:46:09.621+02:002011-05-08T23:46:09.621+02:00oi. beautiful writing; harsh topic.oi. beautiful writing; harsh topic.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com