tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4690119989265676870.post7107521449109819210..comments2023-03-25T15:32:51.744+02:00Comments on Mine for the Taking: Countdown: 4 - Flesh of Lost Summers (Part V)FreeFoxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00096319447345952569noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4690119989265676870.post-47109899120273269812011-03-19T18:03:34.846+02:002011-03-19T18:03:34.846+02:00After reading the first two paragraphs, the quote ...After reading the first two paragraphs, the quote from Quiller-Couch came to my head -- "Murder your darlings."<br /><br />For what you are trying to do, I think there is something in those two paragraphs that could really be workable and useful, but it doesn't seem to share the same style as the rest. You're 'scared' but you also want to take the reader 'by the hand' and lead. It's difficult emotional territory, so it's going to be hard to get it just right in writing. (I'm no good with emotions, so I don't know what help this is...)<br /><br />Billy Joel's The Stranger -- I think that's good. Pop-culture has this weird ability to offer 'moments of clarity' at almost random times, and from near random sources. <br /><br />The part about tutoring and Hendrik moved along much better than the start, in my opinion. Come to think of it now, there is kind of a strange progression in all this -- the unsure and vulnerable opening up at the start, the musical/video revelation of your <em>self</em> and then the physical, combative and sexual actualization. <br /><br />It isn't consistent, but maybe it hangs together better than my first impression led me to believe.Andrewhttp://godwillbegod.com/blognoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4690119989265676870.post-62559203618223040432011-03-09T13:38:33.649+02:002011-03-09T13:38:33.649+02:00@Changeling: What can I say. It really was a Billy...@Changeling: What can I say. It <i>really was</i> a Billy Joel song? ^_~<br />But there is space for you, mate, right here in the comments and it will always be there for you. (Hah, can you spot how many lies were in that sentence?)<br />"your tendency to explain everything to within an inch of it's life" Oh, I love that. Thanks. Yes, that is exactly what it feels like. Working without hard hat or safety harness, but with a microscope and a meat tenderizer instead, lol.<br />Of course I am sorry if you feel excluded. That I don't mean. Camille said the same, I think, about my Shirley Jackson ref. But it <i>is</i> like showing you the scrapes on my knees and my very bestes toys. The space here is limited. But tell me, am I/is my meaning wrong? Or false? Am I cheating?<br />(The King comparison I'm not sure about. I thought I ambulated, meandered, and circumlocuted around the actual story far too much... It feels more like jigsaw puzzles. There is stretches where it is clear what goes where and the image groew smoothly, and then there are the skies and seas and other vague features, and I get lost in all those pieces, and what to do with them, knowing only that simply leaving them out would leave a hole in the overall tale.)<br /><br />But now that you mentioned it... <i>how would you have done it</i>? Because I really aren't very happy with this chapter, and a few others as well. And I <i>do</i> like a lot about your writing. Maybe I could learn to make mine a bit less confining... (Which in itelf is probably a lot more ironic and funny than the whole Billy Joel thing.)FreeFoxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00096319447345952569noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4690119989265676870.post-47341059912742495782011-03-09T12:23:48.966+02:002011-03-09T12:23:48.966+02:00Ok, sleep-deprived lit crit - so please forgive me...Ok, sleep-deprived lit crit - so please forgive me if this is like swimming through porridge, or something.<br />It's pretty brave (but then you like courageous, don't you?) to hang, or try to hang such beauty, profundity,whatever - on a Billy Joel song. I mean - fucking Billy Joel! Like, when it gets really dark are we gonna get some in depth lyrical analysis of Uptown Girl? I fucking hope so. Don't bristle - I'm entirely sincere. You've read American Psycho? My favourite thing about that book is how increasing difficult it becomes to read those chapters about Phil Collins et al - it's like - skimming those sections all squirming with unease and sighing with relief when you get back to the safe waters of sex death torture - phew. Unfortunately, I've never seen that movie, I don't think it matters. Really successful here, this feeding of cultural influence into experience, without giving in to your tendency to explain everything to within an inch of it's life.<br />I'm still reading your characters as allegorical, archetypal - something like that - you know, a Circe, or a Cyclops lurking in the next block? But it's beginning not to jar with me, in that your protagonist/yourself seems to be creating, or at least projecting these people through a sheer force of will and desire - at least in retrospect. I mean, I'm beginning to get Hendrik's allure and your searing need to construct it, even if it wouldn't be my need and that's a very proficient skill.<br />I think some of my main issues with your writing still lies in the places where it diverges so radically from my own - egotistical huh? But I guess it's automatic to read with a part of oneself going - "I wouldn't have done it like this" and maintaining some wavering faith in your own tactics is kind of essential. Primarily, I guess, I'm not that enamoured with the tendency you share with some of the writers you admire - like Stephen King say - a kind of concentrated focus on the straight, narrow path of 'The Story'. With someone as prolific as King, this reads as a kind of utilitarianism, but with you, it's more - I don't know how to put this elegantly - like you're writing purely for yourself, trying to learn from and grow, or something, from a retelling of your story. As a result of this I feel excluded as a reader. There is no space for me in the text - no extraneous detail or uncertainty for me to come to my own conclusions over - just bang bang bang - YOUR meaning. But I'm learning to live with it.Changelinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16971293660092708835noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4690119989265676870.post-49489488528406666972011-03-09T10:47:40.709+02:002011-03-09T10:47:40.709+02:00I'm intrigued as to where this is headed. I...I'm intrigued as to where this is headed. I'm guessing I may not have to wait long to find out, as your words seem to be flowing quite nicely once again.Benhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11965535693027179744noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4690119989265676870.post-70005926448993436692011-03-09T04:24:32.593+02:002011-03-09T04:24:32.593+02:00NICE! Can't wait for the "Short Cuts and ...NICE! Can't wait for the "Short Cuts and Vagrants" point of view. :pHyperionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14209603671880432195noreply@blogger.com